Ever wondered like, how much some1 u used to love has "changed"? or perhaps, how much u seem to notice his/her flaws now?
Ever thought how weird it is that relationships these days cant last, and yet some couples remain happily married?

Well, most of us (myself included) always try to find answers from within, trying to rationalise the issues by going over and over things which had happened. In the next few minutes, take time to understand how our different hormones actually played a part in our emotions, and perhaps you may gain a new perspective.

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A successful relationship could be broken up into 3 stages.

Stage 1

> lust

at this stage, our actions are driven by testosterone and oestrogen. We get physically attracted to the other party (or parties). These hormones get us started in "looking around".

Stage 2

> attraction

this is the love-struck phase. people start doing silly things like losing sleep, losing appetite. we prefer to spend time daydreaming about a new found lover, rather than doing other impt stuff.
a group of neuro-transmitters, monoamines, play an important role here.

1. dopamine (also activated by cocaine and nicotine)
2. norepinephrine (also known as andrenaline. causes sweating, and starts the heart racing)
3. serotonin (the MOST impt chemical for love, the one which gets people temporarily insane. it also causes one to be blind to the flaws of the other party. However, it normally only lasts for 2 yrs, 3-4 at max.)

I guess thats why they say love can be blind yeah?

Stage 3

> Attachment

This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. Sadly, as a personal opinion, few romances last this long anymore. Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments.

1. oxytocin (cements the strong bond between two people. released during sexual activities.)
2. vasopressin (an impt chemical in the long-term commitment stage)

Many people think that sex is frivolous, and it aint impt. actually tats not tru. sex shld not b confused with lust. its normal that people dun feel tat lustful anymore, but lust isent the only component for sex. i mean if tats the case, how on earth do old people do it??

Tats why many couples either stay 2gether for 2-3 months (read: duration of "lust" stage), or 2-3 yrs (read: duration of "attraction" stage), or forever. of cse there are exceptions, since love aint only about chemical secretions.

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That said, I'd like to ask all in love, as well as all who wants to be in love, a question. Do you noe what u really want? Are u wanting to find a lifelong partner? coz if u do, u gotta understand that the hormone serotonin (recap: chemical which makes people temporaily insane, and makes people blind to the flaws of others) can only last that long. no matter who u gonna find, no matter how matter times u gonna repeat the 1st 2 stages, if u dun realise the insufficiency of serotonin, its juz a matter of time b4 u gonna give up.

I'm sad. Not because i see people breaking up. but because people spend their lives looking for something which was always right in front of them. Yet we never noe till its too late eh?